“A Man, A Can, A Grill”

Copyright © 2006 by Jim Mahood. All rights reserved.

“Dude, this cookbook is for you,” Detroit News writes.

In the crowded field of recipe books, publishers scale nosebleed heights of oddity and innovation to surmount readers’ torpor. An example is David Joachim's A Man, A Can, A Grill.

On the rare occasions when guys are forced to cook, this book figures we want fast, simple, and healthy recipes featuring huge slabs of bloody meat, gobs of hot barbecue sauce, charcoal grills, and plenty of soda or beer—not a news bulletin, but still dead true for many persons, both male and female.

Most of the recipes in the book make use of at least one food guys can yank from a can. Sometimes cans figure other ways, too. The recipe for “Beer-Can Chicken” says to quaff half a can of beer, to punch a few extra holes in the top half, to hold the chicken upright with its butt facing down, and then to slide the chicken over the can, up the chicken’s you-know-what. During cooking, beer escapes from the holes in the can to keep the chicken moist and to flavor it from the inside out.

I liked almost everything about A Man, A Can, A Grill particularly the fact that instead of flimsy paper it’s lavishly printed four-color on 43 glossy book-boards, which guys can spill crap all over then wipe clean with a shop rag.

Produced by Men’sHealth, a division of Rodale, the largest independent book publisher in the United States, this book streamlines 50 recipes for great-tasting meals—each ready in minutes—and almost every recipe is spiced with humor.

Following are highlights from the book, which costs $15.95 at bookstores. Your local public library will lend you a copy for free.

• SMOKY JOE’s BIG, SPICY BURGERS boogie out of 1 3/4 pounds of extra-lean ground beef combined with a can of sloppy joe sauce, jalapenos, Worcestershire sauce, and an egg. Slap 6 patties on the grill with the lid shut but the vents open, for 5 to 6 minutes per side for medium, or 7 to 8 minutes per side for well-done. “If you like ’em rare, you’re on your own,” Joachim writes. Makes 6 burgers you’ll wolf in seconds. Each burger contains 384 calories (the book provides a nutrition breakdown for every recipe).

• LUCA BRAZI PIZZA shoots out of canned refrigerated pizza dough combined with a can of tuna, two cans of caponata (eggplant appetizer), and a cup of shredded low-fat mozzarella. Grills in 3 to 5 minutes and makes 2 medium pizzas.

• SPAM CORDON BLEU levitates out of 2 cans of SPAM combined with a can of chunk white chicken, a can of sour cream and onion Pringles, and a can of chicken gravy. You seal the Pringles in a ziplock bag that you “beat the hell out of,” before making a sort of crumbly Pringle sauce through which to “dredge the SPAM.” Grill for 6 to 8 minutes per side, “or until the outside is crunchy brown and the cheese is melted. Slop on the sauce.” Makes 8 servings.

You’ll also find these mouth-watering concoctions:

• Bad-Ass BBQ Chicken
• Big Bird with Bourbon Sauce (turkey)
• Bock-Bock Kabobs (chicken)
• Fungus-Amungus Burger (mushrooms for vegans)
• Nutty Bovine on the Barbie (beef)
• Oktoberfest Pig-Out
• Spicy Bangkok Birdies (chicken)
• Tex-Mex Longhorn
• Zorro’s Swordfish Tacos.

A Man, A Can, a Grill is the third volume in a series by David Joachim aimed at attracting males who hate to cook. The first two titles are A Man, A Can, A Plan and A Man, A Can, A Microwave. But now you’ve gotta ’cuse me, dude. I’ve worked up a hell of an appetite, so I’m headin’ for the barbie.